Whee! Ima Taoist?

Time is a funny thing. It can work for you, or it can work against you. Which way it goes, depends on how you handle it. Or, more accurately, when and how you spend it. If you squander it, you'll soon discover that it works against you.

I've read the Rich Dad books, written by Kiyosaki. First, I'd recommend them to just about anyone. Some 20% of the books are advertisements for his products. But, there is a lot of good stuff in them. At the very least, reading even the first, Rich Dad, Poor Dad, will give you new ways of looking at things.

In his book, Kiyosaki raises a very interesting question: "What is the most valuable resource (commodity) in existence?" The answer to that question is simple: time. Time is the one thing, once spent, can never be regained. When it's gone, it's gone.

The point Kiyosaki makes is, if you waste time, you're screwed. This is especially important with finances. If you don't pay when you're young, you'll pay when you're old.

Sooner or later, you do your time. When you do it, is up to you.

I have the pleasure of being the father of a 15yo girl. She's a pretty decent kid, with a decent head on her shoulders. The trouble is, she's discovered boys. Not, necessarily a bad thing, but she's now putting them ahead of everything else.

Some two weeks ago, she fought with Jess and myself about taking the NYS Regents exam for her grade. She whined and cried that she couldn't do it. First, I have to say something my ex used to say, "Can't means you won't. Won't means you're lazy." My daughter likes to do that a lot though, shed crocodile tears over something, so she doesn't have to do it.

Now, she has the chance to go camping with family members, and go to Washington, D.C. She's eking out of it, because (I think) it will mean a week apart from her current beau. (She's had four or five in the past two months.)

Ok, so I get it. I hate to be apart from Jess. Jess and I are one of those couples. You know the ones; they're together all the time. Joined at the hip. I always thought those couples were pathetic. But, really, my daughter is a bit young to even know what love is, let alone to have found it.

So, back on topic. To snake out of the family trip (which I think would be a good thing), she's citing the Regents exam which will be on the 16th. Now, mind you, she's not studied for this test. Instead, she's spent all her time with the beau d'jour.

Two weeks ago, she fought tooth and nail that she couldn't pass. Now she doesn't want to. Only now, she wants to use it as an excuse. During that fight, I finally got tired of it. I told her it was completely up to her. She's 15. In a few short years, she'll be out in the world. The decisions she's making now will affect her for the rest of her life. She's the one that will have to live with the consequences.

And that's where I'm going with this. She's at the point where she has a choice. She can do her time now. Get it over with. Work now. Or, she can goof off now. Be part of the cool crowd, or whatever. Then, twenty years from now, she can be scraping just to get by.

This is personal experience for me. I'm pushing 40. I'm now in a career I could have easily started some 15 years ago. In five years, the Good Lord willing, I'll be making six figures. I'll have changed my entire financial position. The problem is, I starved the last 15 years. I could have been doing this then. Which means, I'd be fucking retired by now.

Mind you, I'm happy with where I'm now. I just wish I could have gotten here much sooner.

So, that's what I'm saying here. Soon or late, you'll do your time. Do it now, before it's too late.

Labels: advice, book, life, time

Posted by Christopher at 11:41 | Permalink | Comments

So, I had a pretty good weekend. Actually, it was an excellent weekend. But, here's the thing, I really didn't do anything. That is to say, I did, but I didn't. Heh.

See, I spent the entire weekend with Jessica. We didn't do anything special. No fancy date stuff. We just spent time together. I'm not even sure we watched an entire movie. I think, actually, the most we did was sleep. And yes, I mean sleep, for all you dirty-minded types out there. Hell, we didn't roll out of bed until 11:00am on Saturday. And that was only because the phone rang.

Ok, so I'm sure most of you reading this are thinking that sounds lame. And yeah, I guess in a way it does. But, it wasn't. Here's why...

I think one of the things couples often forget to do is what we did: spend time together. Take the time to be together, without the stress of the world. Talk. Cuddle some. Relax. So many people try to make things exciting, and that might even be their thing. But the pace of life is such that, it tends to distract you from some really important things.

Jess and I really have the same thoughts on traditional dating. Take your "typical" date, a dinner and a movie. The dinner part involves something called eating. Now, if you were raised with any kind of manners, that means you're not talking (at least not with your mouth full). So, you're basically (as Jess put it) watching someone shovel food into their mouth. Then there's a movie. Unless you're one of those really annoying types, that's another two-ish hours of not talking. So, you've just burned four-ish hours with someone. If you're lucky, you've managed to get in thirty odd minutes of real talk-time.

That's lame. It's not going to really help you get to know the other person if this is your first date. And it's really something of a show anyway. Who out there really shows their real self on a date? It's more of an interview process. You put on your best face, in hopes of impressing the other person.

Worse is when you're an established couple. Depending on the factors of life, you might not be getting all that much time with the other person. Then, you're going to spend what time you do get not talking. Again, lame.

Don't get me wrong. The dinner-and-a-movie thing can be really cool. A chance to get out and relax. But still, you're not going to be getting much real time with one another.

So, what Jess and I did was spend time together. We talked, played (sorry for the finger, Jess), sniped at one another, cuddled, slept, etc. We went for a walk, sat by the lake and talked. Went back to her place. Talked. Went to her parents. Talked. Get the picture?

We got back on track in many ways. Our relationship is based on friendship. As time goes on, we get distracted by life, and forget to nourish that friendship. When that happens, the relationship suffers. Taking the time as we did this weekend, we really recenter that friendship.

So, I guess what I'm saying with this entire thing is try taking time out for the ones you love. It's so easy to become distracted. So easy to forget to even tell your significant other how you feel. You really want to rekindle the romance? Take the time to be together, just to feed the friendship.

For me, the past weekend was amazing. Not because anything special was done, but because we took the time to be with each other.

Labels: advice, book, friends, life, love, time

Posted by Christopher at 20:21 | Permalink | Comments

Yay me! I have a blog. Well, I've had the blog for some time, but just haven't bothered to write anything. I guess that's because I'm never quite sure what I should say. I can't really start at the beginning, but I can start with the middle.

I have recently met someone. She's simply the most amazing person I've ever met. She has flaws, as do we all. What's strange is that I've accepted those flaws. In turn, she's accepted mine. It's the first time that I've ever felt truly accepted, and loved, by another person.

But that's not what I'm really writing about for my first blog post (ever). It just leads into the topic: what we're all searching for.

My partner, Jessica, and I talk. Really talk. Like spend hours on the phone talk. Then we spend time together, and talk some more. We founded our love on friendship. What's funny about it all, is we both never really believed in love. Love, as it has been written about so many times, was something that wasn't really real. It was a pipe-dream. A cleverly packaged con, fed to so many by so many (Shakespeare, Walt Disney, et. al.) It was while we were talking that something occurred to me: I've found what I've been searching for.

And here's the kicker: it's wasn't the love. It's the fact that I matter to someone. See, I have kids. I matter to them. I feed them, clothe them, etc. They are dependant upon me to survive. But in the end, it never really made me feel like I mattered. They had no choice; they were stuck with me. With Jess, I feel I matter.

Which brings me to my point, finally I think. One can argue the existence of God (as we know him - what ever that means). It can be argued there is no spiritual, no afterlife, no soul. Whether you believe it or not doesn't matter. Either way you look at it, we're on this planet for a given amount of time. Soon or late, we all come to the end of that time. And, at the end, I think one of the things we'll have to ask ourselves is, did we really matter? Did we really make an impact?

I've saved lives (literally). I'm raising kids (or trying to). But, I think what really matters is that I've truly touched another life. In turn, that life has touched mine. We can spend our time building, we can spend it destroying, or we can squander it away on nothing. I'm thinking the goal is the first. At the end of it all, what we have done has to matter to someone. It has to have counted.

Time is the one commodity that is most precious. Once spent, it can never be regained. So, for once, I'm not wasting my time. I'm just glad that I figured this one out, before I had wasted too much.

Labels: life, love, time

Posted by Christopher at 20:21 | Permalink | Comments