Self-destruction
Lemmings aside, self-destruction must be a totally human trait. Too often, it seems, we find new and amazing ways to destroy ourselves. We do this as a species, a group, and as individuals. Granted, we're still around, so we haven't managed to pull the species level one off (yet). I think that's just because we've been lucky. I think the higher order ones (groups, governments, families) are a reflection of the tendency for the individual to do self-destructive things.
Sure, there are quite a few people who get along fine. They always manage to do the safe or right thing. The make the correct (sensible) life decisions. They're quite happy living normal, boring lives. They have enough sense to not do things which might go poorly. (Mistakes not counting.)
I used to be the type of person with an amazing capacity for self-destruction. Choices that I make, if I am not extremely careful, have a way of coming back to bite me in the ass. It's subconscious. I really don't enjoy tons of drama in my life. And yet, there are times where I really think that, when bored, I look for ways to spice things up a bit.
Hand-in-hand with that came the remarkable ability to destroy things around me. When everything would be going well, I would say or do something to cause problems. This was especially true of relationships. Though, it also applied to other parts of my life.
Recently, I've changed that tendency. I came to recognize how it affected me, and more importantly, those around me. It didn't happen instantly. There were several catalysts to my change in views and how I handled things. I think, one of the greatest catalysts was the death of my father. There's a saying I'm sure I've said before, "A man isn't a man, until his father dies."
I think, until that point, I never really accepted that my decisions are mine to make. And no, my father wasn't controlling or anything like that. It's more that I had an attitude that things (my decisions) just didn't matter. There was also a bit of not caring in there as well: I didn't care how my actions affected others.
Why all this?
Well, now that I'm working out of that tendency, I see it in others all the time. There are people I know, some very close to me, who have this same innate talent. Only now, I'm one of the people who will be affected. In an odd way, I'm now getting a taste of my own medicine. And guess what? I don't like it very much.
Now, I know that sounds a bit selfish. It is. To not really think about something, until it affects me. But, that's just another of my vices. But, since I've been thinking about it, I've come up with a few thoughts on the matter.
When it comes down to it, people tend to think of themselves first. This is especially true for Americans. Our culture is one where we don't worry about something if it's not in our own back yard. My father had a joke he used to tell:
When you think about it, that's how we think. It's how we work. If it doesn't (directly) affect us, we (usually) could give two shits. And, really, that's the wrong attitude to have.
Like it or not, our actions take their toll on those around us. Part of Taoism is learning to live in harmony with the Way. Learning to let things go the way they should. Another part of it involves not going out of your way to cause damage to something. And it's that self-destructive tendency that we carry which goes counter to that.
So, now that I am older and (hopefully) wiser, I have a suggestion to pass on to others: be aware of how your actions affect others. Just as your mother used to say, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all." So should you consider your actions. Be aware that not only is it possible to help those around you, it is quite possible to hurt them. I think that is one of the main lessons of life. Sure, you can be an asshole. But, in the end, it doesn't help anything. In the end, you have to face yourself in the mirror. And, one of the best ways to see something good in that reflection is to know that you have done good in your life. Hurting others is definitely not good.
Sure, there are quite a few people who get along fine. They always manage to do the safe or right thing. The make the correct (sensible) life decisions. They're quite happy living normal, boring lives. They have enough sense to not do things which might go poorly. (Mistakes not counting.)
I used to be the type of person with an amazing capacity for self-destruction. Choices that I make, if I am not extremely careful, have a way of coming back to bite me in the ass. It's subconscious. I really don't enjoy tons of drama in my life. And yet, there are times where I really think that, when bored, I look for ways to spice things up a bit.
Hand-in-hand with that came the remarkable ability to destroy things around me. When everything would be going well, I would say or do something to cause problems. This was especially true of relationships. Though, it also applied to other parts of my life.
Recently, I've changed that tendency. I came to recognize how it affected me, and more importantly, those around me. It didn't happen instantly. There were several catalysts to my change in views and how I handled things. I think, one of the greatest catalysts was the death of my father. There's a saying I'm sure I've said before, "A man isn't a man, until his father dies."
I think, until that point, I never really accepted that my decisions are mine to make. And no, my father wasn't controlling or anything like that. It's more that I had an attitude that things (my decisions) just didn't matter. There was also a bit of not caring in there as well: I didn't care how my actions affected others.
Why all this?
Well, now that I'm working out of that tendency, I see it in others all the time. There are people I know, some very close to me, who have this same innate talent. Only now, I'm one of the people who will be affected. In an odd way, I'm now getting a taste of my own medicine. And guess what? I don't like it very much.
Now, I know that sounds a bit selfish. It is. To not really think about something, until it affects me. But, that's just another of my vices. But, since I've been thinking about it, I've come up with a few thoughts on the matter.
When it comes down to it, people tend to think of themselves first. This is especially true for Americans. Our culture is one where we don't worry about something if it's not in our own back yard. My father had a joke he used to tell:
"What's the difference between a recession and a depression?"
"A recession is
when your neighbor is out of work. A depression is when you are out of work."
When you think about it, that's how we think. It's how we work. If it doesn't (directly) affect us, we (usually) could give two shits. And, really, that's the wrong attitude to have.
Like it or not, our actions take their toll on those around us. Part of Taoism is learning to live in harmony with the Way. Learning to let things go the way they should. Another part of it involves not going out of your way to cause damage to something. And it's that self-destructive tendency that we carry which goes counter to that.
So, now that I am older and (hopefully) wiser, I have a suggestion to pass on to others: be aware of how your actions affect others. Just as your mother used to say, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all." So should you consider your actions. Be aware that not only is it possible to help those around you, it is quite possible to hurt them. I think that is one of the main lessons of life. Sure, you can be an asshole. But, in the end, it doesn't help anything. In the end, you have to face yourself in the mirror. And, one of the best ways to see something good in that reflection is to know that you have done good in your life. Hurting others is definitely not good.
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