Whee! Ima Taoist?

Lately, it seems like I can't do the right thing. The more I try, the worse it gets. And I'm not really sure why that is. I can't decide if it's that I'm trying too hard, or not trying hard enough. Or, perhaps it's just that I'm trying.

You see, I found myself in a really good spot. I got to that spot by not really doing anything special. For the first time, in a long time, I was just myself. There were some changes. Changes for the good. But overall, I was just myself.

And, I guess that's what really bothers me. I'm still myself. I still do the things I did. So, why the change? More importantly, how do I get things back on the right track? All I know is that I'm bouncing off the walls in my head.

So, I guess this is one of those times, I just have to keep faith. It's just very hard.

Labels: journal, rant

Posted by Christopher at 16:41 | Permalink | Comments

Have you ever had a day not go well? You know... One of those days? I hate it when that happens. I especially hate it when I think it might go another way. And yes, I know, I'm supposed to keep my mind open. Take things as they come. Childlike mind and all that. And believe me, I try.

But then, there are days like today. For some reason, the world was off. I think it might have been my choice of music. On the other hand, I might have chosen my music based on the mood. I'm never quite sure which way that one goes. But I digress...

Anyway, I'm trying to code, but not. Trying to think, but not. I keep at it, because it's my job. I rather like my job. Really, I think I was distracted by my anticipation of the upcoming evening. As I mentioned, I was looking forward to a decent evening.

Suffice it to say, the evening didn't go anything like planned. It started with a bang, and went downhill from there. I must admit, my actions though misinterpreted were the catalyst. A fact of which I had to remind myself several times. The net result, my plans fell apart. Ah well.

Then, of course, I couldn't get the current work problem resolved. Oddly enough, though I strive to be a Taoist, the current projects at work do their best to prevent it. I work with a program that was coded by, well, I'd best not say by what. It's just one of those things that, for every two steps forward, I have to take a step-and-a-half back. Grr.

So, I decided to post here, to remind myself of what I'm trying to be. Or, rather, what I'm trying to do. Or not trying to do. (There's a few posts that could be written on that one.) I just needed to remind myself that the Way doesn't always go the way you want. That's the key I guess. If you're going to follow the Way, you have to go where it takes you.

It is times like these that I have to remind myself of Verse 49. Summed up in another taoist blog.

Labels: life, rant, taoism

Posted by Christopher at 19:34 | Permalink | Comments