Infidelity and Forgiveness
Infidelity is an interesting thing. To some people, it's nothing. To others, it's everything. There are cultures in which it is completely unacceptable. And there are cultures in which it is expected. Unfortunately, I think our (American) society is starting to lean towards the latter.
I am not proud of my history in that department. I stood in front of another, and vowed that I would do no such thing. And yet, for a variety of reasons, I did. Each time, it caused damage to everyone involved. And, as selfish as it may seem, I think the person most damaged was myself.
Because, I'm now learning that what has happened in the past can have a very real affect on the present and future. (Yeah, I know, Duh!) But, really, it goes beyond the obvious. My wife once made a blog post which referenced a biting dog. If a dog has a history of biting, it will always have that history. It may be well behaved now, but there's always the danger that it could bite again.
On the flip side is my belief that things can change. Perhaps not so much a dog, but certainly people. Still, despite the fact they may have changed, there is still the past. It can loom over the present like a spectre. It can cause doubts to creep in where there is no reason.
And that's the thing. Despite what atonement one may have made, they still have to account for their past. Worse yet, it can color how they view things. Once a line has been crossed, it's been crossed. Much like an addict, there is always that problem.
Speaking for myself, I know what's on the other side of that line. That knowledge keeps me from ever going back over it. I know all the games, I know all the facades, I know the temptations. I also know it colors how people look at me now. It has diminished me, and it is something I can never recoup.
There are people close to me who are engaging in the same kind of behavior. I know they think it's nothing. Sadly, I have no way to tell them just how heinous it is. That some lines should never be crossed. That, some actions will always come back to haunt you.
It can also change how you view things. Lead you to suspect, and expect, the worst in others. See, if you have been so vile, why isn't the rest of the world. It's then, that it can really eat at you. It destroys trust, which then destroys relationships. Some can recover, most do not.
So, if anyone out there is reading this, and is in a situation where they might be considering such a thing, don't. It's important to remember that it hurts you most of all. You will never regain that stain on your soul. And others, in the future, will be made to deal with it. Sure, they may forgive you. They may understand it. But, they will always have to deal with what you have done. Trust me, it's not worth it.
And that leads to another thought: forgiving and forgetting. It's easy to say you've forgiven a slight. But, often, I think people say they forgive too easily. True, it's important that one learns to forgive. Hate and fear are terrible crosses to bear. They must be let go. But, it's important that one do just that: let go. Not just say the words, but actually let go.
Now, that doesn't mean one should ever forget. When you forget, you set yourself up for the same thing. Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. So, forgive the slights, but don't forget them.
And yes, I know this whole thing was kinda random, but I thought it would be a good idea to toss them out.
I am not proud of my history in that department. I stood in front of another, and vowed that I would do no such thing. And yet, for a variety of reasons, I did. Each time, it caused damage to everyone involved. And, as selfish as it may seem, I think the person most damaged was myself.
Because, I'm now learning that what has happened in the past can have a very real affect on the present and future. (Yeah, I know, Duh!) But, really, it goes beyond the obvious. My wife once made a blog post which referenced a biting dog. If a dog has a history of biting, it will always have that history. It may be well behaved now, but there's always the danger that it could bite again.
On the flip side is my belief that things can change. Perhaps not so much a dog, but certainly people. Still, despite the fact they may have changed, there is still the past. It can loom over the present like a spectre. It can cause doubts to creep in where there is no reason.
And that's the thing. Despite what atonement one may have made, they still have to account for their past. Worse yet, it can color how they view things. Once a line has been crossed, it's been crossed. Much like an addict, there is always that problem.
Speaking for myself, I know what's on the other side of that line. That knowledge keeps me from ever going back over it. I know all the games, I know all the facades, I know the temptations. I also know it colors how people look at me now. It has diminished me, and it is something I can never recoup.
There are people close to me who are engaging in the same kind of behavior. I know they think it's nothing. Sadly, I have no way to tell them just how heinous it is. That some lines should never be crossed. That, some actions will always come back to haunt you.
It can also change how you view things. Lead you to suspect, and expect, the worst in others. See, if you have been so vile, why isn't the rest of the world. It's then, that it can really eat at you. It destroys trust, which then destroys relationships. Some can recover, most do not.
So, if anyone out there is reading this, and is in a situation where they might be considering such a thing, don't. It's important to remember that it hurts you most of all. You will never regain that stain on your soul. And others, in the future, will be made to deal with it. Sure, they may forgive you. They may understand it. But, they will always have to deal with what you have done. Trust me, it's not worth it.
And that leads to another thought: forgiving and forgetting. It's easy to say you've forgiven a slight. But, often, I think people say they forgive too easily. True, it's important that one learns to forgive. Hate and fear are terrible crosses to bear. They must be let go. But, it's important that one do just that: let go. Not just say the words, but actually let go.
Now, that doesn't mean one should ever forget. When you forget, you set yourself up for the same thing. Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. So, forgive the slights, but don't forget them.
And yes, I know this whole thing was kinda random, but I thought it would be a good idea to toss them out.
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