Integrity
Integrity, honor, loyalty, compassion... These are values I hold in high regard. I strive to act with high levels of all these (and others) in my daily life. In the past, I did this for the sake of others. Now, I do it for my sake. I do it, so I can face the person who looks back at me when I stand before a mirror. I don't do as well as I should, but I do try.
Recent events have really stressed how important two of these values are: integrity and loyalty. These same events have also caused me to really evaluate what these values mean to other people. In some cases, it's been demonstrated to me that people do not necessarily view these things the same as do I.
And yes, I have something of a dual standard here. While I am quite aware of my own shortcomings in these areas, I strive to be better. All the while, I hold those around me, those closest to me, to the ideals towards which I strive. That can be a Bad Thing, because it often leads to disappointment.
Then, there are the times when two of these values come into direct conflict. I remember a time when I was in the Navy, where it happened. To maintain integrity, I would have had to abandon loyalty. Or, if I wanted to maintain loyalty, I would have had to abandon integrity. I chose loyalty, and paid a heavy price. Not just me. If any members of AC were reading this, or could be reached for comment, they'd tell you just how high the price of loyalty was.
Fast-forward a dozen years or so, and I saw a similar situation unfold. In this case, loyalty was sacrificed for integrity. This had some very immediate affects. Greatest amongst those (for me), was the affirmation of how well this person regarded their own integrity. It made me believe in quite a few things which I had come to doubt, banished some fears so to speak. It also gave me something to shoot for. See, I've been trying (and failing mostly) to place integrity above all as well. So, while short lived, for a bit I truly believed in the integrity of others.
Now, don't get me wrong. I think the decision was correct. To those involved who bothered to list, I've made my position clear. Integrity is paramount, because it is the basis of the other values. Without integrity, loyalty will suffer. This happened as well, as in the following...
I also saw a situation involving another person where loyalty overcame integrity. It was extremely offensive. It also affected the loyalty. See, what the other person involved did not realize is this: by sacrificing their integrity for loyalty, they destroyed trust. The loss of the trust revealed to me just how loyal they were, and it affected my loyalty towards them.
And finally, I discovered another situation in which someone who had demonstrated that integrity was important also demonstrated the complete opposite. And, I'll admit, this is much like me. I try very hard to stand up, but still face demons which hold me back. The standard to which I looked, however was demonstrated to be illusory at best.
So, I guess what I'm saying is that integrity goes a long way. I'm fond of saying, "Lead by example." I'm not sure where I picked it up, but it's a very true statement. If you fail to demonstrate to others, how can you expect them to follow suit? The answer is a short and brutal, you can't.
But, when integrity is maligned, it strikes at the foundations of other things: honor, loyalty, trust.
The real caveat to all this is that people will tend to maintain their personal integrity when it's convenient. As long as it doesn't cost them anything, they can be paragons of virtue. But, as soon as the price might become too high to pay, they resort to illusion and treachery. And there are the people who will, when it could gain them accolades, will do well. But, when no one is looking (or they think no one is), their integrity falls short as well.
I've said to my wife, Jess, very often, "It's not the good that defines things, it's the bad." That is true for so many things. Anyone can stick to something as long as it's good, as long as it's easy. But, as soon as things become difficult, those that have the strength will keep to their values. Those that don't wont. That is what really impressed me about the one situation: despite the possible loss, integrity was maintained. By facing the bad, it truly demonstrated just how important integrity was.
So, I think my advice to people would be pretty common. Be honest. Maintain your integrity. At the end of the day, there's not much else you have left, other than you. But, here's the key, it doesn't count if you only maintain it when it's convenient for you. If you stop doing well when no one is looking, you may as well not bother in the first place. In the end, the true demonstration is when there is no one looking, when it's only your reflection you have to face. Because, soon or late, it will come out. When that happens, things fall apart and people will view you differently than they did before.
Recent events have really stressed how important two of these values are: integrity and loyalty. These same events have also caused me to really evaluate what these values mean to other people. In some cases, it's been demonstrated to me that people do not necessarily view these things the same as do I.
And yes, I have something of a dual standard here. While I am quite aware of my own shortcomings in these areas, I strive to be better. All the while, I hold those around me, those closest to me, to the ideals towards which I strive. That can be a Bad Thing, because it often leads to disappointment.
Then, there are the times when two of these values come into direct conflict. I remember a time when I was in the Navy, where it happened. To maintain integrity, I would have had to abandon loyalty. Or, if I wanted to maintain loyalty, I would have had to abandon integrity. I chose loyalty, and paid a heavy price. Not just me. If any members of AC were reading this, or could be reached for comment, they'd tell you just how high the price of loyalty was.
Fast-forward a dozen years or so, and I saw a similar situation unfold. In this case, loyalty was sacrificed for integrity. This had some very immediate affects. Greatest amongst those (for me), was the affirmation of how well this person regarded their own integrity. It made me believe in quite a few things which I had come to doubt, banished some fears so to speak. It also gave me something to shoot for. See, I've been trying (and failing mostly) to place integrity above all as well. So, while short lived, for a bit I truly believed in the integrity of others.
Now, don't get me wrong. I think the decision was correct. To those involved who bothered to list, I've made my position clear. Integrity is paramount, because it is the basis of the other values. Without integrity, loyalty will suffer. This happened as well, as in the following...
I also saw a situation involving another person where loyalty overcame integrity. It was extremely offensive. It also affected the loyalty. See, what the other person involved did not realize is this: by sacrificing their integrity for loyalty, they destroyed trust. The loss of the trust revealed to me just how loyal they were, and it affected my loyalty towards them.
And finally, I discovered another situation in which someone who had demonstrated that integrity was important also demonstrated the complete opposite. And, I'll admit, this is much like me. I try very hard to stand up, but still face demons which hold me back. The standard to which I looked, however was demonstrated to be illusory at best.
So, I guess what I'm saying is that integrity goes a long way. I'm fond of saying, "Lead by example." I'm not sure where I picked it up, but it's a very true statement. If you fail to demonstrate to others, how can you expect them to follow suit? The answer is a short and brutal, you can't.
But, when integrity is maligned, it strikes at the foundations of other things: honor, loyalty, trust.
The real caveat to all this is that people will tend to maintain their personal integrity when it's convenient. As long as it doesn't cost them anything, they can be paragons of virtue. But, as soon as the price might become too high to pay, they resort to illusion and treachery. And there are the people who will, when it could gain them accolades, will do well. But, when no one is looking (or they think no one is), their integrity falls short as well.
I've said to my wife, Jess, very often, "It's not the good that defines things, it's the bad." That is true for so many things. Anyone can stick to something as long as it's good, as long as it's easy. But, as soon as things become difficult, those that have the strength will keep to their values. Those that don't wont. That is what really impressed me about the one situation: despite the possible loss, integrity was maintained. By facing the bad, it truly demonstrated just how important integrity was.
So, I think my advice to people would be pretty common. Be honest. Maintain your integrity. At the end of the day, there's not much else you have left, other than you. But, here's the key, it doesn't count if you only maintain it when it's convenient for you. If you stop doing well when no one is looking, you may as well not bother in the first place. In the end, the true demonstration is when there is no one looking, when it's only your reflection you have to face. Because, soon or late, it will come out. When that happens, things fall apart and people will view you differently than they did before.
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