Emotional Blackmail
I've been tossing a phrase around lately: emotional blackmail. I'm not sure if the phrase has an official meaning or not. If it does, it may or may not relate to how I use the phrase. Read: I'm too lazy to bother Googling (??) it. Too lazy to bother Googling that too...
Anyway...
Emotional blackmail is, to me, is the act of people using your emotions against you in an attempt to coerce you into actions they wish you to take. (Whew, that was a mouthful.) I think mothers are a master at this. It's the old ploy, "I gave birth to you, how could you do that..." There are others: "If you loved me...", "Do this or I won't talk to you...", etc. Basically, do x or you will suffer y where y is a consequence based on emotion (as opposed to financial or physical consequences).
A lot of the changes I've made in my life over the past two years have been done to remove sources of emotional blackmail from life. By and large, I have been fairly successful. The result has been a vast improvement in my self esteem. I'm happier now. I feel better. Things around me, in general, are much better than they were. There's less stress in my life.
It's early, and I'm tired, so I don't think I'm going to really go too far with this. I just wanted to throw it out. Let my (all of) two readers know that emotional blackmail is a Bad Thing. If you find that you're involved in a relationship where this regularly occurs, you should probably evaluate said relationship.
My ex constantly used it. I acquiesced to the point that it was having real, physical and mental consequences. I was feeling like ass, and thinking some very not good thoughts. She still tries to use it. Though, lately, I've responded to it less. There is still a tendency to submit to the bullying. But, I've also noticed, the less I submit, the better things become.
My mother and her significant other use it too. In not yielding to their blackmail, I've suffered negative, financial consequences. Pretty harsh ones, at that.
Jess is dealing with it from many of her friends (sic). They have reduced (or eliminated) their contact with her, based on her involvement with me. My daughter deals with it all the time, in the form of peer pressure. Her peers treat her like ass, if she chooses not to conform.
I guess, what I'm saying is pretty simple: if people feel the need to treat you like that, or to use your feelins against you, are they really friends? Do they really deserve to have that power over you?
In looking at my situation, I feel better about myself. That's what it comes down to for me: that I feel better about myself. I don't allow others (or I try not to at least) the power to dictate how I feel about my life, and myself. It's made quite a difference. Sure, it's cost me (things), but it's gained me so much more...
Anyway...
Emotional blackmail is, to me, is the act of people using your emotions against you in an attempt to coerce you into actions they wish you to take. (Whew, that was a mouthful.) I think mothers are a master at this. It's the old ploy, "I gave birth to you, how could you do that..." There are others: "If you loved me...", "Do this or I won't talk to you...", etc. Basically, do x or you will suffer y where y is a consequence based on emotion (as opposed to financial or physical consequences).
A lot of the changes I've made in my life over the past two years have been done to remove sources of emotional blackmail from life. By and large, I have been fairly successful. The result has been a vast improvement in my self esteem. I'm happier now. I feel better. Things around me, in general, are much better than they were. There's less stress in my life.
It's early, and I'm tired, so I don't think I'm going to really go too far with this. I just wanted to throw it out. Let my (all of) two readers know that emotional blackmail is a Bad Thing. If you find that you're involved in a relationship where this regularly occurs, you should probably evaluate said relationship.
My ex constantly used it. I acquiesced to the point that it was having real, physical and mental consequences. I was feeling like ass, and thinking some very not good thoughts. She still tries to use it. Though, lately, I've responded to it less. There is still a tendency to submit to the bullying. But, I've also noticed, the less I submit, the better things become.
My mother and her significant other use it too. In not yielding to their blackmail, I've suffered negative, financial consequences. Pretty harsh ones, at that.
Jess is dealing with it from many of her friends (sic). They have reduced (or eliminated) their contact with her, based on her involvement with me. My daughter deals with it all the time, in the form of peer pressure. Her peers treat her like ass, if she chooses not to conform.
I guess, what I'm saying is pretty simple: if people feel the need to treat you like that, or to use your feelins against you, are they really friends? Do they really deserve to have that power over you?
In looking at my situation, I feel better about myself. That's what it comes down to for me: that I feel better about myself. I don't allow others (or I try not to at least) the power to dictate how I feel about my life, and myself. It's made quite a difference. Sure, it's cost me (things), but it's gained me so much more...
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