Last Words Revisited
Jess and I have been together for something like nine months. In the grand scheme of things, that isn't very long. But in many ways, it seems we've been together for much longer. (And, no, I don't mean that in a bad way.) (And, yes, I'm sure you've heard that before.)
See, from the very first, we really talked with one another. We were open and sincere. I don't have a clue how much time we spent on the phone, but it was a lot. I mean a lot. Like four or five hours a night, every night, for months. That's when we weren't together. Then, when we weren't together, or on the phone, we've maintained contact via a chat client (go Google Talk).
It's a new experience for me. While I'm no senior citizen (hey, watch the comments), I'm no spring chicken either (thanks for that one Jess). Yet, in all this time, there have only been a few that have come close to me. And only one, that being Jess, who has made it all the way in. She's been the only one willing to enter the chaos of my thoughts. She understands them. More importantly, she accepts them.
I'm mentioning this now, because we will be apart for the coming week. It's not a long time. There are soldiers, truck drivers, and others who have been apart from their loved ones for much longer periods of time. And yet, for as short a time as it is, I'm dreading the separation.
See, I've finally found my best friend. A person from who I do not have to hide my inner thoughts. She's listened to me when I've ranted, comforted me when I've been down, and laughed with me when I've been up. (Actually, she's laughed at me quite a bit too, but that's another story.) I've always been a loner. That person who can socialize. The one who can liven up a party when I so choose (yes, Jess, I really can). But, ultimately, no one has ever been allowed to know me.
The problem, for me, is that while I've been a loner, I've never really been lonely. I've never had a problem with entertaining myself (sans KY, people). It's always been easy to retreat into my own little world, my own bubble, and ignore everyone else. But now that I've met Jess, now that she's part of my life, I know what it is to be lonely.
There's an advertisement that plays on the TV from time to time. It's got an older couple in it. They say they've been together for fifty-plus years, and have never been apart. How lucky they are. How lucky they are.
It's not all that bad. She won't be far. I'm sure we'll find a way to sneak a few moments together. But, at the same time, I know there will be many times when I'm at idle. That's when I'll feel the loneliness.
We were talking about it. She brought up how much she loved me. Just in case something happened. And, I guess that's why I'm writing this. Because, deep down, it's what I really fear. What if something does happen? It could be anything, really. But what if it does?
Some time ago, I wrote an entry on choosing your last words. On considering that, at some point in your life, you will utter your last words. That entry has come back to me in these last times. It really holds special meaning to me.
So, you've read all this for me to repeat myself. Always remember that your time with your loved ones is limited. I will miss her terribly, this short time we'll be apart. I've told her. I've shown her. I can only hope she really knows.
In the end, I think everyone should consider that. Just in case something happens...
See, from the very first, we really talked with one another. We were open and sincere. I don't have a clue how much time we spent on the phone, but it was a lot. I mean a lot. Like four or five hours a night, every night, for months. That's when we weren't together. Then, when we weren't together, or on the phone, we've maintained contact via a chat client (go Google Talk).
It's a new experience for me. While I'm no senior citizen (hey, watch the comments), I'm no spring chicken either (thanks for that one Jess). Yet, in all this time, there have only been a few that have come close to me. And only one, that being Jess, who has made it all the way in. She's been the only one willing to enter the chaos of my thoughts. She understands them. More importantly, she accepts them.
I'm mentioning this now, because we will be apart for the coming week. It's not a long time. There are soldiers, truck drivers, and others who have been apart from their loved ones for much longer periods of time. And yet, for as short a time as it is, I'm dreading the separation.
See, I've finally found my best friend. A person from who I do not have to hide my inner thoughts. She's listened to me when I've ranted, comforted me when I've been down, and laughed with me when I've been up. (Actually, she's laughed at me quite a bit too, but that's another story.) I've always been a loner. That person who can socialize. The one who can liven up a party when I so choose (yes, Jess, I really can). But, ultimately, no one has ever been allowed to know me.
The problem, for me, is that while I've been a loner, I've never really been lonely. I've never had a problem with entertaining myself (sans KY, people). It's always been easy to retreat into my own little world, my own bubble, and ignore everyone else. But now that I've met Jess, now that she's part of my life, I know what it is to be lonely.
There's an advertisement that plays on the TV from time to time. It's got an older couple in it. They say they've been together for fifty-plus years, and have never been apart. How lucky they are. How lucky they are.
It's not all that bad. She won't be far. I'm sure we'll find a way to sneak a few moments together. But, at the same time, I know there will be many times when I'm at idle. That's when I'll feel the loneliness.
We were talking about it. She brought up how much she loved me. Just in case something happened. And, I guess that's why I'm writing this. Because, deep down, it's what I really fear. What if something does happen? It could be anything, really. But what if it does?
Some time ago, I wrote an entry on choosing your last words. On considering that, at some point in your life, you will utter your last words. That entry has come back to me in these last times. It really holds special meaning to me.
So, you've read all this for me to repeat myself. Always remember that your time with your loved ones is limited. I will miss her terribly, this short time we'll be apart. I've told her. I've shown her. I can only hope she really knows.
In the end, I think everyone should consider that. Just in case something happens...
Post a Comment
